Frequently Asked Questions:
I have compiled this list based on some of the questions I have received over the course of my time as a therapist. My hope is that you find it helpful in getting more information about therapy in general and about the way I work in particular. If you’re looking at this page, it likely means you are considering getting help and I hope you find some reassurance here to make the call.
So…what happens when I come in for therapy?
Mostly, we talk: you tell me about yourself; I ask questions; you ask questions. We explore. We build a connection. Sometimes I might give you homework to do between sessions. We will most likely talk about feelings. It might be awkward, but usually in a good way. Also, during your first session we will talk about informed consent, ethical and legal expectations, and expectations around privacy and confidentiality. If you decide to move forward, we will discuss frequency of appointments and decide on service fees. We will also talk about your goals and expectations of therapy during our first meeting and throughout services.
What if I cry?
It’s quite alright. Talking about things that are painful, uncomfortable, and/or scary can be overwhelming. Sometimes tears can also be brought on by the relief of finally letting go of all the things that you’ve been carrying. Remember that you’re in a safe space and all feelings are okay. I’ll bring extra tissues and we can figure it out together.
Do I have to talk about my childhood?
Not if you don’t want to and it’s not relevant to the goals you want to address. What we do and do not talk about is almost entirely up to you, though there may come a time when I may ask some questions to provide context. This means that I may inquire about past and present family dynamics to get an idea of your family culture, trends, and current support system. If you do not feel comfortable discussing a particular topic it is important that you let me know. Your voice is important.
What do I talk about if I’m feeling okay?
Therapy is not just reserved for when there is a crisis. Therapists like to hear good news just as much as anyone else. Being in a good space that allows us to have time to explore other topics that can enrich your knowledge of yourself and where you’d like to go. Self-exploration is much easier when we are not in distress.
What if I have never been to therapy?
That’s okay, anxiety before your first session is normal. If it helps, you can make a list of questions to ask the night before. Take some time to think about what qualities you would like in a therapist and gauge how you feel when you come in. Therapy can be a very intimate and vulnerable experience, so it is important to find someone you mesh well with.
What if I have been through a lot of therapy?
That’s okay too. Every therapeutic experience is different. Take time to think about what you liked or didn’t like about your past experiences. What qualities were helpful in the therapists you’ve worked with? What qualities were not helpful? What would you like to get out of this experience?
What can I expect from therapy?
Again, each experience is different. Outcomes depend on a variety of factors including your openness, motivation, and willingness to change. Outcomes also depend on how open and honest you are able to be in our relationship. So, again, it is important to choose wisely. I will not be a good fit for everyone and that is okay. Every person is unique and will need a different approach. The good news is that there are a lot of therapists out there, so take time to find a good fit for you.
With that in mind, here are some things I can’t do:
I cannot make change happen for you or make decisions about any major or minor life changes on your behalf.
I cannot fix your relationships or decide whether you should stay in or leave a relationship.
I cannot take away your depression/anxiety/traumatic experience/self-esteem/problems.
The reason I cannot fix those things is that making changes is ultimately up to you and I ethically cannot take over your life for you. The goal is always to support and empower you to make your own decisions.
Here are some things I can do:
I can provide you with a safe place to talk and think and feel.
I can be present with you.
I can provide you with feedback within the context of our relationship about patterns I notice in behavior and we can look at how those patterns may impact your other relationships.
I can challenge you and push you a bit outside your comfort zone, with your permission.
I can be with you while you face that depression/anxiety/traumatic experience/low self-esteem/problem.
How do I know when I’m better/cured/don’t need therapy anymore? How long will this take?
The short answer: You’ll know because you won’t need me.
The long answer: Usually it’s pretty obvious when we’ve gotten to where we needed to go. This does not mean that you will be happy all the time or that you will never need to seek help again. It just means that you’ll be better able to manage whatever it is you were seeking help with in that moment in this relationship on your own. I like to review the goals of treatment periodically with you to ensure that we are making progress and that we are still addressing what we needed to address.
As to how long it will take, again, this depends on your comfort level, the depth of what we’re addressing, and how deep you feel you would like to on the topic in the course of our relationship. Self-discovery is a lifelong journey. Therapy can be for a few months or a few years. Your journey with it will be as unique as you are.
I hope that this has answered some of your questions. If you have other questions and would like to schedule a free initial 15 minute consultation you can email me at: jane@therapycouch.org or call me at 916-426-3506. I would love to hear from you!