Not all stress reactions are created equal. We all experience an immediate physiological reaction to stress, but some of us also experience what I call a “delayed stress response.” If you’ve ever experienced a sudden, inexplicable wave of sadness or anxiety several hours or even days after a stressful event then you’ve probably experienced a delayed stress response.
Here’s a few things that are important to understand about stress: 1. Stress activates our brain’s threat response systems, which produce stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine. 2. Stress hormones prepare our body to go into fight, flight, or freeze. 3. The threat response system in our brains activates our parasympathetic nervous system which results in an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, and hyperfocus on the stressor.
In most stressful situations in modern life, however, it would be fairly inappropriate to fight or run away. As a result we’ve systematically reinforced our freeze response. Think of the last time you got annoyed with your boss, your coworker, or your best friend. You might have said something “passive aggressive” or just waited for the moment to pass. Most likely you didn’t immediately bolt out of the room or punch your boss when you felt stressed. While this was great for your ability to keep your job and not ruin your relationships; it also did not allow your body to release the tension that built up when the stressor occurred. This also required a lot of “top-down” control from your thinking brain over your emotional brain.
When a delayed stress response occurs our emotional brain (limbic system) is trying to work through coping with a stressor and it usually does this somatically so you may experience any number of physical responses: anxiety, shaking, crying, a flash of anger, restlessness, irritability, etc. These responses may appear irrational because they are removed from the immediate stressor, but they make perfect biological sense. It’s just your body’s way of releasing tension and complete the stress response cycle.
Here are some ideas for completing the cycle:
Check in with your breath and your body. Close your eyes. Scan the body from head to toe paying attention to any areas of tension, tightness, numbness, or tingling. Allow yourself to ground into any part of your body, however small, that feels calm, grounded, or neutral and from this place see if you can check in to the areas of the body that feel uncomfortable. Allow yourself to follow and explore those sensations. Allow emotions to arise naturally and let yourself feel whatever arises. This can be delicate, so best done in a safe and comfortable space where you will have privacy.
Dance to your favorite song. Go for a brisk walk or run. Do cardio. Do any physical activity that raises your heart rate: cleaning, pulling weeds, swimming, etc.
If you are not able to exercise you might try progressive muscle relaxation. Tense your muscles as you inhale and relax as you exhale. Repeat for 5-10 minutes.
Whatever comes up; try to stay present and not judge the process. Use this, instead, as an opportunity to learn and observe your unique process. If you’re looking for additional resources on self-compassion practices check out self-compassion.org.