Show me your elephant

Unresolved trauma is like an elephant. A big, clunky, loud creature that moves into your house and won’t go away. Every elephant is different, but the thing about elephants is that their presence, try as you might, is really hard to ignore. Elephants need a lot of time, care, and attention. You might have never planned to be an elephant owner; that was not part of your vision for your life—yet here you are: the reluctant owner of an elephant.

There are many reasons to avoid being around an elephant. Elephants are inconvenient, loud, and huge. Understandably, you may try to ignore the elephant, or tell yourself you don’t have time to deal with an elephant. Perhaps the elephant will give up and go away on its own. The more you avoid your elephant the needier it becomes—at some point it becomes so belligerent that you can no longer ignore it.

You might be excused for fearing an elephant if the only time you interact with it is when it’s misbehaving. It’s not the elephant’s fault that it’s a big animal (an average African elephant can weigh 7 tons). It’s not the elephant’s fault that it needs a lot of food (Did you know an average adult elephant can eat 300lbs of food in a day?). All the elephant knows is that it’s here and it has needs.

Elephants are pack animals. They are kind, intelligent, compassionate, and communal. Traumatized parts of our selves can hold beauty and wisdom. Traumatized parts need compassion and community to heal and be able to share their innate wisdom.

We all have our own elephants and even though some of our elephants are bigger or more belligerent than others, all our elephants deserve to be cared for. The goal behind good trauma treatment should not be to exile our elephants but rather to learn how to befriend them and care for them.

Activity suggestion:

Take some time to create your own elephant. This can be a drawing, a coloring book page, a collage or some other visual representation. Decide on your elephant’s color, size, and name. Add any features or accessories you think are important for your elephant to have. Carry a picture of your elephant with you as a gentle reminder to attend to yourself for as long as you need to.

As always, if you would like some support learning how to best care for your elephant, don’t hesitate to reach out.

What is Trauma?

You might be familiar with the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), typically portrayed in movies and TV shows through heavy use of blurry flashbacks and sudden outbursts. In the real world, trauma tends to show up in much more nuanced ways, though flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, irritability, and hypervigilance can certainly be part of the experience.

First, let’s define what I mean when I say trauma: there are what we call little “t” traumas and big “T” Traumas. Big “T” traumas are typically events that are somehow life threatening or physically harmful to you, your community, or your loved ones. Examples might include: sexual abuse, physical violence, or a really bad car accident. Little “t” traumas might include non-life threatening but equally disruptive events such as divorce, sudden job loss, immigration, or micro-aggressions. All of these events disrupt our sense of safety, belonging, and security in the world and in our connections with other people. These disruptions constitute trauma.

There is also a difference between a single-incident trauma, such as a car accident and complex or chronic trauma, such as an abusive relationship or community violence. All of these types of traumas can impact us in a variety of ways. Some traumas can lead to the development of PTSD or Acute Stress Disorder, which has the same symptoms as PTSD but only lasting up to one month. Some traumas may develop into other diagnoses such as Generalized Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorders, Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, Bipolar Disorders, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. This is not to say that all these diagnoses automatically indicate a trauma history; rather it is to acknowledge the role of trauma in contributing to and exacerbating underlying conditions and altering our neurological wiring.

The reality is that the impact of a traumatic incident is often less about the incident itself, but rather about the ripple effects of trauma over time and across different life areas. It might be helpful to think of it like throwing a rock into a still pond. The initial ripple is small, but grows bigger as the kinetic energy flows across the pond. In a similar way, trauma may start as one specific incident and ripple out into relationships, work, food, education, body image, emotion regulation, etc.

As you might imagine, trauma treatment is complex and often challenging work. Treatment will depend on the type of trauma being explored. In my view, the best treatment involves a holistic approach that incorporates relationships, behaviors, self-exploration, and somatic awareness to help rebuild a sense of safety and connection. It takes time to develop trust so my advice is to be gentle with yourself and honor your needs in the process. And remember: I’m here to help!