January is a special time of year; we make resolutions and the world seems to be filled with possibility. It is a time when we reflect on the “what if’s” and the “what has been’s.” We try new things and resolve to be a little braver, a little less comfortable, a little more true to ourselves. There’s something a little intimidating about January 1st. This idea of newness. Like facing a blank page. Filled with expectations as yet un-lived. Something unique about having collectively decided that this it: this is the time when we all collectively resolve to be slightly better versions of ourselves.
This is a time to reflect on what we have learned and how it has shaped us. The profound moments and the mundane moments. And all the little moments in between. Our lives laid out in front of us in a patchwork quilt of moments. All the little choices leading up to where we find ourselves in this moment, today.
James Prochaska conducted research in the 70’s on what we know today as the stages of change. A fairly common term in the mental health world of today, it nonetheless did something very important. It took a collection of seemingly disparate theories and experiences and combined them into a trans-theoretical model that describes how humans change. So, if your resolution this year is to do something new, to be a little more brave, to be a little more uncomfortable, then perhaps you will find this to be helpful.
Prochaska broke down change into 6 stages:
Pre-contemplation: The time before you are aware of the problem. You may be experiencing pains, aches, maladaptive relationships, but you are yet not consciously aware of your role or contribution to the problems and therefore feel no impetus to change.
Contemplation: The time when you become aware of the problem. You might suddenly find yourself uncomfortable enough to actually consider making a change. You may be considering the various pros and cons of your decision to change. The idea of a change is still merely a thought.
Preparation: The time when you decide that you should start thinking about a plan to make change happen. You might tell friends or family about your plan. You might do research or make phone calls. You might start thinking bout the practical reality of a change.
Action: The time when you start to actually implement new behavior. You actually go to the gym, set boundaries in your relationships, go see a therapist etc. Typically the first 6 months of a new behavior.
Maintenance: The change is now a regular part of your routine. You feel comfortable with the new behavior.
Relapse: Any time you slip back to an earlier stage of change. This is a natural part of the change process and can happen at any time. Use this as an invitation to re-evaluate old habits and recalibrate to what works for you to move forward.
All of this is to say that as we seek to change ourselves in some way, it is helpful to notice how we move through and tackle each stage of the change process. It can provide valuable information about how we see ourselves as people. If we can learn to see setbacks not as mistakes, but as learning opportunities we are more open to change. Suddenly the bumps in the road are no longer devastating, but rather to be expected. A natural part of the process.
My resolution this year is to be a little more brave, a little less comfortable, a little more open. A little kinder to myself when I hit a bump in the road. Case in point: I meant to put this up in January, but then life happened. Rather than beating myself up and giving up I have decided that it is more important to follow through. To be a little kinder to myself.
Won’t you join me?
