Reclaiming Joy

This has been a challenging year for me personally and as the time approaches for my next birthday I have been reflecting on all the changes that have happened in my life in the past year both personally and professionally.

I have made a promise to myself in the past couple months to reclaim my joy. It’s so easy to get lost in all the things I have to do that I recently realized I don’t often ask myself about the things I want to do, much less make the time and space for those things. It’s a difficult thing to realize, but it has prompted me to really give myself more space. So, my birthday resolution this year is to do more of the things I want even if it means I do a little less of the other stuff.

Here are some tools I have found helpful and perhaps you will too:

• Make room for curiosity. What are you curious about that you talk yourself out of?

• Do non-productive things badly. You don’t need to be the best artist or dancer or baker. Give yourself permission to do fun things just because.

• Do set limits. In personal and work relationships. It will be uncomfortable, but limits are about you and not about other people allowing you to have them.

• Let go of that which is not serving you. Take inventory of your beliefs, stories, and daily habits. What is not serving you? Why are you holding on to it? What would happen if you let it go?

• Face your fears. Often the narrative about the thing we’re afraid of is much worse than the thing itself. Our mind creates dragons where there are puppies.

A final bit of advice: being uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe. It’s important to cultivate skills to be able to discern the difference. If this is something you would like to work toward please feel free to reach out.

Incorporating Mindfulness into Daily Life

One of the questions I get asked the most about mindfulness is how to transition the practice of meditation into application in daily life. People often report that even when they make time to sit and meditate on a somewhat regular basis they have difficulty connecting that practice with their everyday life experiences.

In order to fully benefit from a meditation practice we must not only go through the motions of sitting on the mat and/or doing a guided practice, but also make the effort to learn about meditation and reflect on the practice. It’s the difference between knowing what a hammer is and understanding when and how to effectively use a hammer to build a birdhouse. Unfortunately, the more that a principle or practice becomes commodified the harder it is to trace it back to its roots and the more it becomes about the rote repetition of a task. It is vitally important to ask ourselves why we come back to practice and how that practice affects us.

The most important aspects of meditation and mindfulness are not about clearing your mind or focusing on your breath, but about the underlying principles that create the foundation of why and how we practice. Mindfulness and meditation are not about being comfortable, relaxed, or at peace with the world, though those things can certainly be auxiliary benefits of a practice. Instead, meditation is an open invitation to build compassion, non-judgement, and radical acceptance of discomfort. The discomfort may be around parts of ourselves or others that we dislike, or aspects of the world and our experience in it that are not to our liking.

A truly mindful way of being requires ongoing work, it is never complete, and it is always evolving. It requires us to build a routine around checking in with ourselves consistently. A mindful life requires us to incorporate and practice the following principles:

• Non-judging: shifting out of the evaluation of experiences based on our likes, dislikes, and personal biases.

• Non-striving: shifting out of goal-oriented behavior in order to allow an experience to unfold.

• Acceptance: accepting each moment and experience exactly as it is rather than how we wish it would be or fear it might be.

• Curiosity: bringing a beginner’s mind to each experience, slowing down, and allowing ourselves to fully be present in what is happening rather than moving through on autopilot.

• Non-attachment: allowing ourselves to let go of clinging to a particular goal, outcome, fear, or experience. Acknowledging at every experience is finite.

• Compassion: genuine compassion for our own and other people’s lived experiences rooted in shared connection and humanity.

• Patience: willingness to dedicate as much time as it takes without rushing to a goal or end point in an experience.

All these principles create the underpinning of mindfulness and meditation. They are also deceptively challenging to practice because they require letting go of our ego, need to succeed, and inherent bias. There is no mastery in mindfulness, only ongoing practice.

If you’d like to practice and learn more I recommend checking out the writings of Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, or Jon Kabat-Zinn. If you’d like to learn more about how to incorporate mindfulness to support your mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Making Time for Breakfast

Breakfast is perhaps one of the most neglected meals of the day. Our mornings are spent in the chaos of alarm clocks, getting ready for work or school, and generally trying to avoid facing the day as much as possible.

There’s a saying that you should start the way you mean to go on. So, this post is about making a conscious decision as to how we mean to go on. We often focus on goals in the context of New Year’s resolutions, but you don’t have to wait for a special day each year to start something intentionally.

Treating each day as a new beginning can help us feel more hopeful and refreshed and create more opportunities for self-evaluation. Taking time, even a little time, to be intentionally present with ourselves in the morning can help us reduce burnout, improve our mood, and reduce anxiety about facing the day.

Breakfast helps get our metabolism going and gives us energy for our day. It can also help us be more conscious and intentional about our other food choices throughout the day and not have to rely on caffeine to trick ourselves into not noticing we’re hungry or tired. Breakfast is both a literal and a symbolic act of nourishing ourselves and a reminder to take time to be present with ourselves.

Here are some ideas for reclaiming your morning and your breakfast:

• Make breakfast non-negotiable, create opportunities to try new things, or decide on a go-to, easy balanced breakfast to make for the week. Prep ingredients the night before if needed.

• Commit to a meditation practice. Even if it’s only 5 minutes before you head out the door or get out of bed. Taking time to wake up to your day slowly can create a more intentional, less hectic flavor to your day.

• Read a physical book or magazine rather than scrolling on your phone or other device. Prioritizing the rest of the world over yourself first thing in the morning can increase stress levels and reduce our motivation and ability to tend to our own needs.

• Listen to music that is soothing or motivating first thing in the morning. Use this as an opportunity to dance around to something you enjoy.

• Move your body. Create a 10-15 minute stretching, walking, or yoga routine to get your blood flowing and stretch out your body after a night of sleep.

• Ditch your alarm clock. Here’s a confession: I absolutely hate alarm clocks. To me, they are the worst, most jarring way to wake up. Create a bedtime routine that allows you to wake up naturally around the same time every day. It may take a few weeks to fully adjust but trust me it’s worth it. If you absolutely need an alarm clock opt for one that wakes you up with light rather than sound. It may also be helpful to get an idea of how much sleep you naturally need and adjust your routine accordingly. Hint: most people vastly underestimate how much sleep they actually need to feel good.

• If you have a pet, make the first thing you do when you get up snuggling or playing with them. The resulting happy brain hormones make for an excellent reward.

Pick 1-2 things off this list to start off with. Mornings don’t have to be overwhelming. If you’d like additional support with developing better routines to support your mental health please don’t hesitate to reach out!