As the summer season draws nearer and the warm weather encourages us to shed our protective layers of clothes, there is a corresponding uptick in our awareness of our bodies. This awareness often comes in the form of criticism.

The pandemic and corresponding isolation have led to body changes for many of us, often in the form of changes in our weight. As more of us start to return to seeing friends and going into the office there has been an increase in worries about how people will perceive our changed bodies. As we begin to shed masks after years of wearing them there is also increased awareness of our bare faces. The New York Times has posted some interesting articles exploring the impact of shedding masks on how we perceive ourselves and others: Opinion | America, Unmasked - The New York Times (nytimes.com), After Covid, Are You ‘Mask Fishing’? - The New York Times (nytimes.com). In many ways, the pandemic has forced us under cover: masks, zoom background filters, the nice shirt we wear paired with sweatpants for Zoom meetings.

As we start to more fully return to pre-pandemic socializing many people are experiencing the insecurity resulting in being suddenly uncovered. The idea of a “glow-up” has been trending on platforms like YouTube and TikTok and there are any number of avenues to access inspiration for a makeover. For many people the makeover involves panic about weight gain and the frantic resolution to hit the gym and restrict the late afternoon cookie intake.

My challenge to you, is to re-imagine how you set body goals. Shifting out of shame and into celebrating and caring for our bodies can be incredibly impactful. Rather than setting a goal about what you will lose, shift into exploring what you want to gain. How do you want to show up in your relationship with your body. If you want to add movement, find something that feels good. If you want to adjust diet, think about what feels good. If you want to nurture yourself more, think about what you need.

Here are some easy ideas for positively stated goals:

I will add a fruit/veggie to a snack or meal every day.
I will add an afternoon walk so I can feel more at peace and enjoy the nice weather.
I will add more fun pieces to my closet to celebrate and feel confident in my body as it is.
I will add meditation to my day to help me feel more centered and calm.
I will add time with friends to help me feel loved and connected with others.

If you find yourself continuing to struggle with intrusive thoughts, the desire to restrict food, or shame around your body you might also consider adding therapy into your routine. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to add a little extra support. If you’d like a consultation, don’t hesitate to reach out!

How would you define your relationship with your body? Is your body a tool? A friend? Your worst enemy? Something you reluctantly drag around with you all day? It would be fair to say, that if given the checkbox option in the relationship status department with our bodies most of us would choose “it’s complicated.”

I invite you to consider the following:

How is your relationship with your body shaped by your family, your culture, your lovers, and/or the media you consume?
What are the stories you tell yourself about your body?
What are the stories other people have told you about your body?
When is the last time you have expressed love or appreciation for your body?

For most, if not all, of the people I have worked with these questions can be quite difficult to consider. Whether because we are dissatisfied with the way our body looks, feels, or functions, or because we are stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of “self-improvement” we become progressively disconnected from our bodies. Two of my favorite authors, Emily Nagoski and Sonya Renee Taylor, speak to the idea of body shame as this profound loss of connection to our true selves. They invite us to consider how we felt about our bodies when we were very young and the shift from our bodies being loved, celebrated, and explored in amazement to the sense of shame, need to hide, and constant criticism that many of us find ourselves steeped in.

If you find yourself struggling with your own body. I would invite you to practice some gentle awareness. Spend time noticing the dialogue you engage in with your body and become aware of judgements, criticisms, and seemingly innocuous self-improvement statements. As you become aware of these, take the time to pay attention to any physical sensation or emotions that arise. See if you can notice and develop compassion and empathy for your body. If there are particular parts of your body you find yourself repeatedly criticizing I would encourage you to take the time to pay special attention to those parts; try massaging them, applying lotion, moving, or otherwise gently attending to those parts. You might not be all the way to loving everything about your body, but see if you can soften your stance toward it.

To create a regular practice of checking in with your body you might consider body-based mindfulness practices or even maintaining a journal of letters to and from your body over a period of several weeks or even months.

For additional reading and resources check out these books:

The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon
Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Jonston
Burnout by Emily Nagoski
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
The Mindfulness Solution to Pain by Dr. Jackie Gardner-Nix
How to Live Well with Chronic Pain by Toni Bernhard

If you would like to work on building a more peaceful and fulfilling relationship with your body; please don’t hesitate to reach out!

Re-imagine body goals

Examining your relationship with your body