burnout

In defense of doing less

When was the last time you allowed yourself to rest? Really rest; not the kind of rest where you’re thinking about your to do list, the chores you “should” be doing, or the things you didn’t do? There’s a concept I came across at some point over the course of 2020: internalized capitalism. This can be simply defined as the belief that we need to be productive at all times and if we are not then we are failing.

As a consummate overachiever, this one hit a little bit too close to home, but I have found value in reflecting on my own relationship with work over this past year.

If you google “internalized capitalism” you will find a plethora of ways to spot the symptoms:

  • Self-worth is derived from your work performance/accomplishments.

  • Belief that hard work equals happiness.

  • If you are not being “productive” you are “wasting” time.

  • Not working means you are being “lazy.”

  • Rest and fun are things to be earned rather than things you inherently deserve.

  • Placing productivity over health (i.e. showing up to work sick, working from home when you’re sick, taking a sick day and spending it doing chores).

  • Skipping your lunch break to do work, not taking your designated break times when you are at work.

  • Working unpaid overtime, feeling like you have to stay late at work just to get all your tasks done, taking on more work when you’re overwhelmed.

  • Feeling like you “owe” your employer for them giving you a job or feeling guilty about setting limits at work (leaving on time, taking vacation and sick time, saying no to additional tasks when you are overwhelmed).

  • Prioritizing work over friendships, relationships, and rest.

  • Overscheduling yourself or your kids.

  • De-prioritizing sleep so you can get more work done whether it’s chores around the house, studying, or tasks for your job.

If you’re finding yourself cringing in recognition, don’t worry you’re not alone. I’ve been there and am still working on actively dismantling this in my own life. I invite you to join me if you feel so inclined. Here’s a few ideas to get you started:

  • Intentionally practice slowing down and doing nothing by planning a slow day. Turn off the alarm, take the time to allow your body to naturally wake up, eat slower, turn off the screens, sit outside and watch the clouds go by, go for a slow walk.

  • Take inventory of your relationship to your work. How do you feel about your job? What does your job mean to you? What boundaries do you need to set around work time? What feels hard to let go of?

  • Plan for an extra day off from work to recharge once or twice a month to recharge. Notice what mental blocks show up for you at this suggestion.

  • Reduce your screen time. I know this is a cliché, but it’s even more important now that most of us are spending large chunks of our day on screens.

  • Find hobbies and activities that don’t require screens: coloring, drawing, reading physical books, newspapers, or magazines, cooking, crafting, gardening, etc.

  • Choose calmer activities in the evening and be mindful of ambient noise (TV, podcasts, music) and how it makes you feel. Try switching to instrumental music or nature sounds rather than TV shows or podcasts late at night.

  • Be mindful of caffeine intake. Caffeine has a half-life of about 6 hours. This means that if you have 16oz latte at 2pm that has an average of 300-400mg caffeine, you will still have 150-200mg of caffeine in your system by 8pm. If you have several cups of coffee a day this will add up pretty quickly.

  • Allow yourself to step into curiosity and compassion rather than judgement around your patterns. Notice when you speak to yourself in “shoulds” or redress yourself for not following a routine. The goal here is to shift into compassion rather than condemnation.

As always, take time to be kind with and to yourself. If you are struggling with burnout, irritability, exhaustion, depressed mood, and/or anxiety, please don’t hesitate to reach out for additional support.

Burnout and Compassion Fatigue

As we approach the world reopening I can’t help but reflect on the past year and a half. It feels as though we’re all re-emerging after a very long and very weird hibernation; like waking up from a collective bad dream. As we adjust to this new world, slowly, tentatively shedding our masks, seeing people, returning to our offices and sharing space again there is room to celebrate and there is also room to grieve. You may also find yourself, like many others, struggling with compassion fatigue and burnout. In more extreme cases, you may encounter your own trauma or, if you are in a helping profession, vicarious trauma.

Let’s do some term definitions before we dive in.

  • Compassion fatigue: the psychic strain experienced when holding other people’s pain repeatedly or for an extended period of time. Symptoms can include exhaustion, disrupted sleep, irritability, emotional numbing or disconnect, and existential dread. When left unattended, compassion fatigue can develop into vicarious trauma with symptoms similar to PTSD.

  • Burnout: the feeling of mental, physical, and/or emotional exhaustion caused by overwork and stress. Symptoms can include increased distress, irritability, difficulty concentrating, procrastination, and lack of motivation.

Burnout can typically be address by reducing workload, taking a vacation, or taking a break to refresh and reflect. Compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma may require you to do some deeper work. Both have a major impact on our quality of life, happiness, and overall fulfillment. Long term caregivers, medical workers, social workers, and therapists are among those who are particularly prone to experiencing compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma.

Now you may ask, why I am bringing this up now that the world is reopening? This is because as the world reopens and we shift out of actively dealing with a crisis a lot of us may find that we begin to feel the strain of the past year and a half more acutely and in different ways without the immediate crisis to distract us. As we all emerge, it’s a good time to mindfully notice, reflect, and recalibrate our boundaries, expectations, and energies.

I encourage you to start with a simple daily practice:

Take 10 minutes each morning over the next couple of weeks to tune in to your body. Start with 5 deep breaths, filling up all the way to your belly and exhaling slowly. Then, slowly scan your body for any tension, aches, pains, and strains. Allow yourself to move or stretch in any way that feels good to you. You may take a moment to massage any areas that feel particularly tight. Then, allow yourself a moment to ask the question: “What do I need right now?” Don’t overthink it. Just go with whatever show up first. It might be a drink of water, a snack, a hug, a snuggle with your pet. Allow yourself to meet this need.

For bonus points: allow yourself to become curious about how often we identify and immediately begin talking ourselves out of our needs. “I’ll have a rest after I do the laundry/finish this paper/clean the whole kitchen/finish this project for my boss.” Allow yourself these 10 minutes each morning to meet your own needs first, before anyone else’s.

For even more bonus points: try journaling about your experience over the course of several weeks or even months.

You can also check out the books below for more reading and information on these topics:

I recommend completing this scale as a check in about every 6 months for a quick self-assessment: Professional Quality of Life Scale (PROQUOL)

As always, if you are struggling and would like professional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out! I’d love to hear from you!

Building self-compassion

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes”—Pema Chodron

Life in 2020 has undeniably been difficult in ways none of us could have predicted. It has called on us to be brave, to be resourceful, and above all to be compassionate. How we navigate this space will undoubtedly change all of us in some way or another. Being a therapist in this space has been incredibly humbling; it is a rare occurrence that therapist and client navigate the same kind of trauma at the same time. I have been reflecting on Pema’s words during this time. I feel there is a lot of truth there. Our ability to hold space for others, whether it be for our family members, our partners, or the stranger on the street depends entirely on our ability to hold space for our own imperfections. In this time our imperfections may be more apparent than usual, so it may be harder than usual to hold space.

I invite you to take the time to practice some self-compassion in this time. To treat yourself as you would someone you care about. Notice where you might need to slow down, to take time, to hold your limits. Notice that your limits might change day to day or week to week. That’s okay.

If you find that you are struggling with staying present and mindful take time to ground yourself. My favorite methods usually involve the senses. Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Take time to stretch, go for a long walk in nature, do yoga at home.

  • Be conscious of your space; take the time to clean up and arrange your space in a way that brings you joy.

  • Try a diffuser, incense stick, or scented candle. Pro tip: I recently found that I can get pineapple scented essential oil for my diffuser and it’s pretty much impossible to be unhappy when my house smells like pineapple candy.

  • Make your favorite tea. I enjoy herbal or fruity teas with lemon and sugar.

  • Create mood-based playlists to inspire you; find some songs that make it impossible to be unhappy, the sillier the song the better.

  • Take time to eat foods that make you feel good. I recently got a basil plant. It goes wonderfully with heirloom tomatoes, feta cheese, a hint of sea salt, and a drizzle of olive oil. Add some sourdough to dip in the leftover sauce at the bottom of the bowl and I’m in heaven. Also, I’m probably going to need a second basil plant.

  • Read a good book; bonus points if it’s a physical book and not an e-book so you can enjoy that book smell.

  • Take time to do something creative (and no criticizing the end result of your creativity). Try coloring, painting, finger painting, modeling clay, play-doh, or basically anything with a sensory component.

And if you find yourself getting stuck with your inner critic, take some deep breaths and try repeating this mantra as you breathe:

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be free from suffering.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am.

And remember that the kinder you can be to yourself, the more space you will create for everyone else in your life.