“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes”—Pema Chodron

Life in 2020 has undeniably been difficult in ways none of us could have predicted. It has called on us to be brave, to be resourceful, and above all to be compassionate. How we navigate this space will undoubtedly change all of us in some way or another. Being a therapist in this space has been incredibly humbling; it is a rare occurrence that therapist and client navigate the same kind of trauma at the same time. I have been reflecting on Pema’s words during this time. I feel there is a lot of truth there. Our ability to hold space for others, whether it be for our family members, our partners, or the stranger on the street depends entirely on our ability to hold space for our own imperfections. In this time our imperfections may be more apparent than usual, so it may be harder than usual to hold space.

I invite you to take the time to practice some self-compassion in this time. To treat yourself as you would someone you care about. Notice where you might need to slow down, to take time, to hold your limits. Notice that your limits might change day to day or week to week. That’s okay.

If you find that you are struggling with staying present and mindful take time to ground yourself. My favorite methods usually involve the senses. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Take time to stretch, go for a long walk in nature, do yoga at home.
Be conscious of your space; take the time to clean up and arrange your space in a way that brings you joy.
Try a diffuser, incense stick, or scented candle. Pro tip: I recently found that I can get pineapple scented essential oil for my diffuser and it’s pretty much impossible to be unhappy when my house smells like pineapple candy.
Make your favorite tea. I enjoy herbal or fruity teas with lemon and sugar.
Create mood-based playlists to inspire you; find some songs that make it impossible to be unhappy, the sillier the song the better.
Take time to eat foods that make you feel good. I recently got a basil plant. It goes wonderfully with heirloom tomatoes, feta cheese, a hint of sea salt, and a drizzle of olive oil. Add some sourdough to dip in the leftover sauce at the bottom of the bowl and I’m in heaven. Also, I’m probably going to need a second basil plant.
Read a good book; bonus points if it’s a physical book and not an e-book so you can enjoy that book smell.
Take time to do something creative (and no criticizing the end result of your creativity). Try coloring, painting, finger painting, modeling clay, play-doh, or basically anything with a sensory component.

And if you find yourself getting stuck with your inner critic, take some deep breaths and try repeating this mantra as you breathe:

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be free from suffering.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am.

And remember that the kinder you can be to yourself, the more space you will create for everyone else in your life.