Making Time for Breakfast

Breakfast is perhaps one of the most neglected meals of the day. Our mornings are spent in the chaos of alarm clocks, getting ready for work or school, and generally trying to avoid facing the day as much as possible.

There’s a saying that you should start the way you mean to go on. So, this post is about making a conscious decision as to how we mean to go on. We often focus on goals in the context of New Year’s resolutions, but you don’t have to wait for a special day each year to start something intentionally.

Treating each day as a new beginning can help us feel more hopeful and refreshed and create more opportunities for self-evaluation. Taking time, even a little time, to be intentionally present with ourselves in the morning can help us reduce burnout, improve our mood, and reduce anxiety about facing the day.

Breakfast helps get our metabolism going and gives us energy for our day. It can also help us be more conscious and intentional about our other food choices throughout the day and not have to rely on caffeine to trick ourselves into not noticing we’re hungry or tired. Breakfast is both a literal and a symbolic act of nourishing ourselves and a reminder to take time to be present with ourselves.

Here are some ideas for reclaiming your morning and your breakfast:

• Make breakfast non-negotiable, create opportunities to try new things, or decide on a go-to, easy balanced breakfast to make for the week. Prep ingredients the night before if needed.

• Commit to a meditation practice. Even if it’s only 5 minutes before you head out the door or get out of bed. Taking time to wake up to your day slowly can create a more intentional, less hectic flavor to your day.

• Read a physical book or magazine rather than scrolling on your phone or other device. Prioritizing the rest of the world over yourself first thing in the morning can increase stress levels and reduce our motivation and ability to tend to our own needs.

• Listen to music that is soothing or motivating first thing in the morning. Use this as an opportunity to dance around to something you enjoy.

• Move your body. Create a 10-15 minute stretching, walking, or yoga routine to get your blood flowing and stretch out your body after a night of sleep.

• Ditch your alarm clock. Here’s a confession: I absolutely hate alarm clocks. To me, they are the worst, most jarring way to wake up. Create a bedtime routine that allows you to wake up naturally around the same time every day. It may take a few weeks to fully adjust but trust me it’s worth it. If you absolutely need an alarm clock opt for one that wakes you up with light rather than sound. It may also be helpful to get an idea of how much sleep you naturally need and adjust your routine accordingly. Hint: most people vastly underestimate how much sleep they actually need to feel good.

• If you have a pet, make the first thing you do when you get up snuggling or playing with them. The resulting happy brain hormones make for an excellent reward.

Pick 1-2 things off this list to start off with. Mornings don’t have to be overwhelming. If you’d like additional support with developing better routines to support your mental health please don’t hesitate to reach out!

Unpacking Emotions

You are likely familiar with the terms “processing” or “unpacking” emotions if you’ve ever been to therapy, or possibly browsed inspirational posts on Instagram. These are terms we use and hear fairly often, but rarely do we get to really dive into what they mean.

Emotions are made up of different “parts” that come together to create a larger experience. For example: when we experience anger, the neurochemistry in our brains creates physical sensations such as muscle tension, increased blood flow, and changes in body temperature. We also experience thoughts related to the situation we are angry about; we might find ourselves ruminating about whatever caused us to get angry in the first place. We may also exhibit external behaviors such as pacing, yelling, etc.

When we “unpack” these emotions we need to look at each of the components to better understand the whole. In addition to examining the emotion in the moment, it can also be helpful to look at patterns. For example, when have you seen this emotion show up in other parts of your life. What did you learn about this emotion growing up in your family of origin? How have you handled this emotion in the past? What other emotions does this emotion bring up for you? (i.e. how do you feel about the fact that you feel angry). This requires us to cultivate what’s called an “observer mindset.”

Here’s a quick mindfulness practice to help you get started:

• Begin by finding a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Take a few deep inhales through your nose and out through your mouth. You want to feel your belly moving.

• Notice your body. Locate a space in your body that feels grounded, neutral, or calm. If this is hard to do, you might just focus on the cool air as you breathe in and the warm air as you breathe out.

• Now come back to the feeling you are trying to unpack. Notice where in your body you feel that. It might be in your chest, your throat, your shoulders or somewhere else.

• When you can connect with that physical sensation allow yourself to vacillate back and forth between the space that feels grounded and the space where you feel the emotion. The key here is to not try to change the emotion or physical sensation but just allow yourself to observe and describe what you notice happening.

• Stay here as long as you like. I recommend about 5-10 minutes. Once you’re done take some time to reflect on what you observed. Notice the thoughts, memories, and physical sensations that showed up.

As always, if you’re struggling and would like additional support please don’t hesitate to reach out!

The one about self-love

What’s the first thing that come to mind when you hear the phrase “love yourself”? How does that phrase make you feel? Be honest if you just rolled your eyes or felt a twinge of guilt for not checking this off your ever-expanding to do list. I see you.

While, we’ve started to have more collective conversations about the idea of self-love and self-care, they often get boiled down to surface-level platitudes about things like spa days and chocolate cake. Or perhaps an inspirational Instagram post with a cheesy quote overlaid on a picture of some mountains . Don’t get me wrong, I love me an inspirational quote as much as the next therapist and I have never been known to say no to a bit of chocolate cake, but I think there is a deeper conversation to be had about self-love and perhaps love in general.

We often think of love in the context of romance, self-sacrifice, and big gestures. Self-love is more often than not framed in the context of arrogance or self-indulgence. I believe that self-love is more complex than telling yourself that you look great every morning or that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread (though I’m sure you do and you are). Self-love is about balancing accountability with compassion and curiosity.

I invite you to notice you inner critic; how does that voice respond to your mistakes? How does it try to motivate you? Is your motivation based around shame, guilt, or a sense of lack? Where did you learn to respond to yourself in these ways? How would it feel to create motivation from a sense of abundance and worthiness? Self-love is not about indulgence it’s about the bigger picture. The long term of what you want your life to be. This means allowing yourself to rest when you need rest, allowing yourself to feel your feelings, and allowing yourself to have fun. It also means holding yourself accountable to your goals, whether those goals are about community, your health, relationships, or finances. Sometimes self-love is about doing the things you don’t feel like doing in the moment and sometimes self-love is about setting boundaries for yourself and sticking to them.

Here are some suggestions for practice:

• When your inner critic shows up, approach them with curiosity. Ask whose voice is giving you those critical messages, when it showed up in your life, and what it’s trying to do for you.

• Try out alternative messages that are more compassionately stated. For example, rather than: “You need to stop being so lazy and do the dishes!” try: “You deserve to have a clean, calm space to relax.”

• Think about the long term goals you have for yourself and shift your language around those goals from “I should” to “I deserve.” Put that list somewhere you can see it every day. When you catch yourself shifting into “should” language, be curious and redirect to “I deserve” language. Notice how that feels different.

Try to be patient in this process. Self-love is not cultivated overnight and our inner critics are often reluctant to let go of their roles. If you find yourself struggling, you might want to start with listing out your reasons for being reluctant or afraid of loving yourself. As always, if you need further support, please don’t hesitate to reach out!